I have been a runner all my life.
A sprinter, an athletic spirit
It is said
That I learnt to run
Even before I could walk
The child is a miracle, they would say
Everyone was shocked
It is said that the w ord that came out of my mouth
In childish babble
Ange / Alli / Avide
I would point, and run
I have learnt to cut my body through the air
Through water, fire, wind
I have learnt to push myself through time and space
I have learnt to leave others behind
And run. Simply just run as fast my feet can take me
Run as far as I can go, with minimal amounts of water
With fewer stops for breath
But more stops to celebrate me reaching the finish lines
The thing about running
Is that you start living at 3x the speed of actual living
180 seconds make a minute
180 minutes make an hour
72 hours make a day
It all got too confusing and too dizzy
When people ask me how my day has been?
Which part of it do I start with? When does the alarm go off?
I have lived 3 days worth of your time
In my one day
My feelings
Are changing like the seasons of Bangalore
I wake up to winter, slog my afternoons through summer
Settle into an evening monsoon and sleep through autumnal shedding
I would run towards a person
I would run with them to fall in love
I would playfully run around them and make love
I would run away from them when I sensed danger
I would run beyond their reach
And then
I would run towards another person
I wake
I run
I gasp
I choke
I pick myself up
I run some more
Till I run in my sleep
There are perks of running
You see the future way before others can see it
You get to run through quicksand
It cant catch you and suck you in
Simply because of how fast you are
You are never bored
You are never stagnant
You cant hear loud noises
Because its gone before you can pay attention
You dont experience unpleasant situations
Because youve run past that too
You become overconfident
You become numb
You seem to run past death
You run past life too
Then there’s the downside to running
A side that gasps for breath
A side that is worn out
It makes the skin peel off the bottom of your feet
A very dissociative state of being
So confusing, so disorienting
Because you’ve gone ahead
You’ve gone on and on and on
But life hadn’t
Life was still there
Your lovers, your family, the places you visited
The sun and moon that you admired
Are still there
When you fall in love at 3x the speed
You see the finish line
Even before you can start
Every time you look at the person you love
You know, that it will pass
You know that the clock will tick and
Your eyes will have to move
They have to focus on the next object
When you run so fast
You’re in a constant state of yearning of the past
You miss the past
Because you MISSED the past
It was gone at the blink of an eye
It was gone before you could hold it
Before you could smell it
Before you could go to sleep with it
By your side.
Everything is a memory
Everything is in past tense
You become a machine that’s moving forward
But also somehow moving backward at the same time
You become a looped entrapment
You realise that everything your eyes see
Your eyes don’t own
Everything you touch
Will never be yours
So buckle up Rahel. Put on your shoes. Time to run more.
It was gone like the wind
Winds that can be felt
Winds whose hum you can hear
But you can’t trap with your hands
Even if it comes knocking at your doorstep.
You will age
Because time works faster for you
You will forget about the child you once were
You will simply “mature” and “season”
But you’ll never stumble and laugb
An object in motion
Does not realise it is in motion
Except under 2 conditions
- It somehow breakss down and stops working
- It is placed next to a stationary/still object
One day I met a person
The human embodiment of a flower
A daisy
Who caught the corner of my eye
In a quaint, quiet corner
Immersed in questions, immersed in life itself
Life came to life, because she chose to see the now
She participated
I travelled from station to station
But she would land at a place
Get down with her bare feet
Walk into every singly gully, every nook
Soak in the smells of that place
Hold every object that came her way
Dance with the melodies only she had heard
I saw a still human
I saw an object that was stationery
And it occured to me
At that moment
Of the very fact that I was speeding
When I didn’t have to speed
It occured to me
That I was running a race
When there was none
It dawned on me an early morning sunrise
That I
Wanted to stop
And so I did
My knees jerked and buckled
My brakes didn’t know they could work
Until I breaked
My ears started ringing
Theyve only been blocked by the wind before
My eyes
Didn’t know what to look at
They were so used to moving from object to object
Now it could see things whole, in colour, in spirit
My hands could pick up coffee mugs
Without spilling
My hands could write without shaking
My breath
Oh my breath
Could fill my lungs
It’s not as easy as I make it sound
When your body is used to running
It doesn’t know the simple concept of rest
It doesn’t know how to listen to itself
It knows only how to respond
It doesn’t know how to feel bored
It doesn’t know how to count backwards
I used to be a runner
I’ve run all my life
But now
I’m learning to walk.
- Rahel
